Help! Help! I’m Being Repressed!

September is a weird month for those of us who experience the four seasons. Stuck squarely between summer and fall, it literally runs hot and cold as if it can’t quite decide which way it wants to go.

For the past month, I’ve been feeling much the same way regarding my blog and blogging in general – indecisive and running rather hot and cold. She Eats came to the end of its bi-weekly run, all current guest posting obligations were fulfilled, and my editorial calendar was suddenly wide open after a jam-packed summer posting schedule. All of which left me feeling… well, a bit lazy.

And just when I thought I couldn’t get any more apathetic (ahem… that’s apathetic with an ‘a’), the networks rolled out their new fall television line-ups. Suddenly it was back to Glee and Grey’s and Gossip Girl, oh my! And with that, what little blogging focus I had left all but vanished. The end result being creative repression, leading to aimless and sporadic posting at best and complete inertia at worst.

Just call me Dennis. 

It actually all started back in late August with my thing. (On which I’m happy to report progress – the good kind – is being made.)

Which led to me getting slightly tipsy from the outpouring of support and waxing emotional about the benefits of blogging. Call it the drunken, “I love you guys!” of blog posts.

Then I got back to basics with a fun little post about how Lil’ Bit wants to live in a house of cheese. Although in this housing market, her dream home will have to wait.

Next, I went all serious again with a 9/11 tribute.

But then it was on to a manifest of grrrl! power after prissy little ‘ol me picked up a snake, to the utter astonishment of friends and co-workers. This piece ended up as a Top 10 finalist in the Writers’ Week Writing Contest at Suess’ Pieces, for which voting ends tonight at 11:59 p.m. EST – and I would still REALLY love your vote. The winner will have their piece published on Moxymag.com, in addition to gaining access to a plethora of incredible writing resources.

Moving on, I decided that Cat bitch, please! is my new favorite phrase after an inane filler post about crazy Google keyword searches.

I also completely disgusted my small-but-loyal and mostly female readership in its entirety with a cute little story involving chunky spit…

And then further alienated them with a post about college football.

But all seemed to be forgiven when I happily announced Lil’ Bit’s betrothal to our friends’ son – a union which we all feel will greatly benefit both families.

Oh, and somewhere in there, I posted a recipe for a delicious Raspberry Trifle.

Got all that? Good. I’ll give you a moment to recover from the whiplash.

Renewed Focus

Now we’re leaving September behind and heading into October, a month in which the weather starts to become decidedly more autumnal. Likewise, I’m ready to become… whatever the opposite of completely discombobulated is. Certainly not organized – I mean, let’s not get too crazy here, people. Baby steps.

Focused. That’s it – I want to become more focused. I’d like to regain a sense of direction and figure out exactly where I want to take this blog and my writing in general. Am I a mom blogger or a humor blogger? Do I want to be poignant or funny? Poignantly funny or humorously poignant? Or do I even know what the hell I want to be anymore?

I’d like to pursue opportunities (preferably paid) for freelance work and utilize some of the writing resources (preferably free) that I’ve bookmarked. I’d like to seek out and enter more writing contests. Possibly attend a writing conference.

I’d like to stop spinning my wheels.

I want to branch out from what someone I know recently described as “thinking about what I like to think about,” and focus on topics that others might like to think about as well. Because I feel that’s what ultimately develops a salable product and launches a writing career. And also because I’m really not a shallow narcissist.

At the same time, I want to resume a regular publishing schedule here on What She Said and better maintain the site in general. I’d like to do more guest posting. Learn more about building relationships with brands. Pursue corporate sponsors.

But mostly, I want to continue chronicling my daughter’s antics – especially now, at this amazingly fun stage of her life in which she’s truly emerging as her own lovely person. I want to preserve these memories as they occur in my mind’s eye and hold them safe to my heart.

Of course, I’d also like to enjoy my family, practice other hobbies, and keep my job… at least until I’m offered that amazing book deal and/or screenplay. You know… just like The Julie/Julia Project. 

And somewhere in there, I’d like to sleep. Because I get really grumpy when I don’t.

You see the conundrum. How do I do it all? Where, pray tell, do I start? And in which areas am I willing to make sacrifices?

I’m really not sure of the answer to these questions. (Although I suppose a good place to start would be that personal strategy questionnaire from Eli Rose that’s been languishing in my inbox since, oh… June.)

I can only hope that with this new season comes renewed focus and the ability to better prioritize my writing goals. Because through all of this, I’d ultimately like to find that which I most eagerly seek:

My voice.

(Also? I’m kind of digging these monthly recaps. I think I may keep them around.)

Have you ever lost your “voice?” If so, how did you find it again?