Our recent weekend getaway to celebrate Hubs turning the big 4-0 was a lot of fun. In addition to sailing, we enjoyed a fun night out with The Preppy Girl in Pink and her husband, explored downtown Annapolis, brushed up on our history at the Maryland State House, and spent some quality time browsing a photo album of me in various states of undress.
Wait . . . what?
Yes, for my husband’s 40th birthday, I gave him the gift that keeps on giving . . .
Boudoir photos.
It’s the millennial trend that has average, ordinary women channeling their inner lingerie model in the name of art. And if posing half-naked before God and a camera lens sounds like a thoroughly daunting experience, let me assure you . . .
It is.
But even as my mind alternated between such thoughts as Dear God, send wine! and Why, I do believe my butt cheeks are stuck to this window pane, I managed to bring my own sexy back and rock those mothers. And along the way I uncovered a few behind-the-scenes truths about B-pics.
Naked Truth #1: Being Sexy Is Not Sexy
Boudoir photos may be steamy but the process of taking them is not. Those vapid Victoria’s Secret models really do earn their keep! The sultry shots depicting them draped nonchalantly across a bed wearing little more than a come hither pout? They’re neither nonchalant nor particularly come hither. That is, unless you’re in the habit of greeting your significant other while lying flat on your back with your knees cocked 90 degrees and your head hanging upside down off the edge of a mattress (no judgment). Otherwise, each pose is strategically planned and not altogether comfortable. But as my photographer told me, “The more awkward it feels, the better it will look.” And I’ll be damned if he wasn’t right. Who knew being sexy was so laborious?
Naked Truth #2: Wardrobe Malfunctions Will Happen
No matter how artistically tasteful you plan to keep your photos, boudoir sessions are no place for modesty. Because here’s the thing: As you shift from one awkward pose to another, so do your clothes. And when you’re not wearing a whole lot to begin with . . . well, there’s bound to be a bit of peek-a-boo here and there. Do not fret. Your photographer will be entirely too busy directing you to twist yourself into a human pretzel to lust after your love muffins. And rest assured that should a couple of nip slips make it into the photos, they will not turn your art into porn.
Naked Truth #3: You Are Far More Beautiful Than You Realize
Fact: In the hands of a capable photographer, a camera lens becomes a magical portal through which most wrinkles and fat rolls are suddenly diminished or disappear altogether – without the aid of Photoshop! (Professional lighting also helps.) So, if you’ve ever considered B-pics, may I just say . . . do them! Because while we, as women, may come in all shapes and sizes, and play various roles in our day-to-day lives – be it wife, mother, professional, or all of the above – at our core we are, in fact, women. As such, we have been gifted an inherently beautiful sexuality. And to (re)discover and embrace that through the loveliness of art is neither a demeaning nor objectifying experience, but rather an image-affirming, soul-fulfilling one.
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Today I’m thrilled to be making my writing debut at In the Powder Room with eight more ways to rock a boudoir photo shoot. I hope you’ll pop over there and visit me! Yes, I do talk more about getting my bare ass stuck to a window pane (the fact that said window overlooked a deserted parking lot did nothing to lessen my mortification). No, I do not share any of my actual B-pics (although you can visit my She Is page to see a new – albeit fully-clothed – head shot taken by the talented Richmond-based PW Photography during the same session).
And lastly, Hubs enjoyed his birthday present.
He enjoyed it very much.
Have you ever taken (or considered taking) boudoir photos?
Hello! I'm Kristin, a self-proclaimed city girl now living the rural life with my husband, daughter, and a black cat named Boo in eastern West Virginia – or as I like to spin it, the far western suburbs of D.C.
Welcome to What She Said, an irreverent blend of family, life, and humor. Because if I didn’t laugh, I’d cry.
Twitter: notmommyofyear
Your new head shot is great! I did boudoir pictures before our wedding. While the process was grueling for all the reasons you mention, I loved the final images. They were exactly what I hoped for. In fact every once in a while I find them in Craig’s sock drawer and think, “hey, I looked pretty good…”
Krista’s last awesome post…The move update
That’s one reason I did mine, too – to look back on one day after gravity has fully taken its toll and say, “Hot damn, I was smokin’!”
No and no and never
Go you! With the boudoir photos and the ITPR gig!
Never say never, Alison.
And thank you – on both counts!
Oh you are amazing. And I will NEVER do this. Love you.
tracy@sellabitmum’s last awesome post…The Schedule
Like I just told Alison, never say never.
Besides, you would rock a sexy photo shoot – just look at your abs!
I bet they’re gorgeous. I’ve always wanted to do them, but I’d be totally mortified that they’d fall into the wrong hands.
Ali’s last awesome post…Things They Can’t Say: My Suitcase Full of Tricks
Yeah, when we left our B&B this weekend, I was like, “Do you have the photo album? Make sure you have the photo album!”
Plus, I had them delivered to my office just to be extra stealth-like, and when they arrived I noticed that they had originally been marked for a different department for some reason that I still don’t understand. Luckily, our mail guy knows me and recognized my name and knew to bring the package to me. Otherwise, that things could have gotten awkward.
Twitter: KristenPGIP
I am so proud of you for doing this! You have definitely got me researching places in my neck of the woods. Sometimes it just takes seeing someone you trust, admire and appreciate to go first.
So happy you brought sexy back!!!
Kristen’s last awesome post…Am I Enough Of A Coach?
Thank you, my sweet friend. I’m so happy I got to show them to you (not in a weird way, but because I knew how excited you were for me all along).
And I DID bring sexy back! At least for a little while. Now I just feel bloated. And also a little gassy.
(Hubs is going to be like, “Really? You wrote that?” To which I will reply, “Reality bites, baby.”)
Congrats on the In the Powder Room gig! I plan to do boudoir shots…must buy boobs first because this whole grow them naturally thing is not working for me.
Arnebya’s last awesome post…The Threeness That is Now You
“Must buy boobs first.”
And I just died. . .
Twitter: TheBeardedIris
Your new headshot is gorgeous! I can just imagine how awesome all the other shots are. YOWZA!
Thank you for sharing your 8 tips at In The Powder Room, Kristin. It is such an amazing post and I have a feeling you are really going to inspire a lot of women today! (Myself included.)
Leslie’s last awesome post…And just like that she was gone
Thank you, Leslie. For everything. I’m so excited and honored to be a part of the ITPR community as both reader and writer. You are doing amazing things with that place!
Twitter: Juliasmath
Awesome! I’ve been thinking about doing these… And I’m sure hubs likes them! Question (maybe be too personal). Where will you keep them? N a tasteful book? On the wall? In his wallet?
Julia’s last awesome post…Six on Sunday (Monday), Version 18
Not too personal! (I *did* just write a post about sexy bedroom photos, after all.)
In short, they’re contained in a tasteful little 4×6 album. A very nondescript “little black book,” if you will. To be privately enjoyed – alone or together.
Twitter: juliahembree
Oh my gosh, I love you. I am so glad you were brave enough to do this AND write about it!!! I have been toying with the idea of doing these next year for my 30th birthday…not for my husband, but for myself. My body is not perfect (thanks, pregnancy) but I think 30 is a milestone and I’m sure it will look better then instead of later when I’m 60 or something. How sweet are you…that as a b-day gift to the husband is a really good idea. (Much less selfish than my reasoning.)
Congrats on your new writing debut! Can’t wait to click over.
Also, you know we want to see the pictures, right?
Your new headshot is perfection.
Julia’s last awesome post…What Do You Do All Day?
First, DO IT!
Secondly, don’t worry about not having the “perfect” body. For one thing, the “perfect” body is an unattainable goal. I liken it to finding the end of a rainbow – you may thing you can see it, but you’ll never actually reach it because it doesn’t really exist. Besides, the professional lighting and camera equipment along with the uncomfortable poses are incredibly flattering. I was amazed, honestly.
And finally, I totally did these for selfish reasons, too. Sure, they made a great b-day gift for Hubs, but I also wanted to capture and celebrate my body before gravity really took hold. It was as much about me as it was about him.
I know my husband would like them. If I am going to do them, I better hurry up before everything falls. You were a good wife. Braver than I.
Jamie@SouthMainMuse’s last awesome post…The Water Break. #iPPP
“I better hurry up and do them before everything falls.”
My thoughts exactly!
(P.S. Go for it!)
Kudos to you for doing it — great idea . . . and I’m not shocked, in the least, to hear that the process is nowhere near as sexy as the outcome.
And yay for nip slips. Just because, well, yay.
And lastly, that one pic you’re showing looks absolutely phenomenal.
John’s last awesome post…Where I remember a dear friend
You missed your calling, John. As much as you love boobies, you should have been a photographer.
(P.S. Thank you!)
I have never considered it. Maybe when I turn 40. And my husband’s eyes start to lose a little of their sharpness . . .
angela’s last awesome post…Exploring Vulnerability – Daring Greatly Review
I think I’m too chicken to do this, but I would love that kind of confidence!
Kimberly’s last awesome post…Lesson Learned