Our recent weekend getaway to celebrate Hubs turning the big 4-0 was a lot of fun. In addition to sailing, we enjoyed a fun night out with The Preppy Girl in Pink and her husband, explored downtown Annapolis, brushed up on our history at the Maryland State House, and spent some quality time browsing a photo album of me in various states of undress.
Wait . . . what?
Yes, for my husband’s 40th birthday, I gave him the gift that keeps on giving . . .
It’s the millennial trend that has average, ordinary women channeling their inner lingerie model in the name of art. And if posing half-naked before God and a camera lens sounds like a thoroughly daunting experience, let me assure you . . .
But even as my mind alternated between such thoughts as Dear God, send wine! and Why, I do believe my butt cheeks are stuck to this window pane, I managed to bring my own sexy back and rock those mothers. And along the way I uncovered a few behind-the-scenes truths about B-pics.
Boudoir photos may be steamy but the process of taking them is not. Those vapid Victoria’s Secret models really do earn their keep! The sultry shots depicting them draped nonchalantly across a bed wearing little more than a come hither pout? They’re neither nonchalant nor particularly come hither. That is, unless you’re in the habit of greeting your significant other while lying flat on your back with your knees cocked 90 degrees and your head hanging upside down off the edge of a mattress (no judgment). Otherwise, each pose is strategically planned and not altogether comfortable. But as my photographer told me, “The more awkward it feels, the better it will look.” And I’ll be damned if he wasn’t right. Who knew being sexy was so laborious?
Naked Truth #2: Wardrobe Malfunctions Will Happen
No matter how artistically tasteful you plan to keep your photos, boudoir sessions are no place for modesty. Because here’s the thing: As you shift from one awkward pose to another, so do your clothes. And when you’re not wearing a whole lot to begin with . . . well, there’s bound to be a bit of peek-a-boo here and there. Do not fret. Your photographer will be entirely too busy directing you to twist yourself into a human pretzel to lust after your love muffins. And rest assured that should a couple of nip slips make it into the photos, they will not turn your art into porn.
Naked Truth #3: You Are Far More Beautiful Than You Realize
Fact: In the hands of a capable photographer, a camera lens becomes a magical portal through which most wrinkles and fat rolls are suddenly diminished or disappear altogether – without the aid of Photoshop! (Professional lighting also helps.) So, if you’ve ever considered B-pics, may I just say . . . do them! Because while we, as women, may come in all shapes and sizes, and play various roles in our day-to-day lives – be it wife, mother, professional, or all of the above – at our core we are, in fact, women. As such, we have been gifted an inherently beautiful sexuality. And to (re)discover and embrace that through the loveliness of art is neither a demeaning nor objectifying experience, but rather an image-affirming, soul-fulfilling one.
Today I’m thrilled to be making my writing debut at In the Powder Room with eight more ways to rock a boudoir photo shoot. I hope you’ll pop over there and visit me! Yes, I do talk more about getting my bare ass stuck to a window pane (the fact that said window overlooked a deserted parking lot did nothing to lessen my mortification). No, I do not share any of my actual B-pics (although you can visit my She Is page to see a new – albeit fully-clothed – head shot taken by the talented Richmond-based PW Photography during the same session).
And lastly, Hubs enjoyed his birthday present.
He enjoyed it very much.
Have you ever taken (or considered taking) boudoir photos?